Have you ever felt like maybe the point to doing a task is no longer in sight? Like, maybe, getting above 90 per cent on every exam is not important, even though it used to be the focus of your life? Or how about hanging out with someone is the last thing you want to do because that person is, (God how clearly you see it now), really a negative influence in your life?

And you know that in-between place when you know the truth and the reality of it all, but you’re not ready to do something about it?

I know I’m being ambiguous about the details. That’s necessary.

What is also necessary is that I tell you that I’ve decided to take action. And what brought me to that? A realization that I can’t endure static. Static is remaining in a house that’s crumbling around me.

And what brought me to this understanding? Over months I accumulated stress that created a consuming ache in my shoulder and neck. I started writing about the issues that were causing it. I was considering what to do. When the earthquake hit in Haiti, I, finally, cried. I cried for the children who were abandoned and for the mothers who’d lost so much and for the fathers and brothers who were only sure that they needed to help someone, somewhere. I donated money. And then I began to realize that my feelings of helplessness about my own life were a trap I could release. Difficult.

So I found the inspiration to bake again. And I started it all from scratch- fresh coconut, grated by my hands, folded tenderly into a beautiful batter. The smell enveloped me. I only ate one without frosting and one with- just to experience the wonderful taste. I shared with friends and friends of friends and I asked them to text the numbers that gave money to people who didn’t have homes anymore, who were crying for a loss that was more immediate and longer lasting than mine. And I felt better. Cake can do that for a girl like me.

The Coconut Cupcakes are vegan but can be adapted for the non-vegans among us. I just like the idea of vegan because, as you know, I like rules. They keep order in life. And sometimes I need order, especially when my world is crashing.
Ingredients

* 1/2 cup coconut oil
* 3/4 cup granulated sugar
* 1 cup coconut milk
* 1/4 cup soy milk
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1 teaspoon coconut extract
* 1 cup flour, all purpose
* 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup unsweetened coconut (grated raw or dried)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 F
2. Melt the coconut oil in a small saucepan over very low heat. After it’s melted, turn off the heat but use it before it solidifies. (you can substitute canola oil)
3. In a medium bowl, combine the melted coconut oil, sugar, coconut milk, soy milk, vanilla, coconut extract. Mix until homogeneous (love that word!)
4. Add the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Stir until smooth. Add the grated coconut and incorporate.
5. Bake for 22 to 24 minutes, until the top springs back.
6. Cool, then frost.

Lime Buttercream Frosting Ingredients

* 1 cup of butter or 1/2 cup nonhydrogenated shortening and 1/2 cup nonhydrogenated margarine
* 3 1/2 cups confectioner’s sugar
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1/4 cup fresh lime juice

Directions

1. Beat the butter or shortening/margarine until fluffy. Add the sugar and beat 3 minutes more before you add the vanilla and lime juice. Beat for another 5 to 7 minutes. It will all be beautifully fluffy so that you can now pipe it onto the cupcakes. (If it’s too soft, give it 15 minutes in the refrigerator).

Because it is important in baking to be fearless. To try the things one would never try. That, my BFF, is how we are going to learn about what not to do as much as what we should do.

I’ve been thinking a whole lot about fearlessness lately, because as you may know, I am not the most fearless person. Using beer in a cupcake recipe is stretching me to my limit and, trust me, many people my age are using the line I set down as a baby-sized hurdle to step over.

What does it mean? Right now, it means I’m not getting into much trouble. None, really. The fearless, though, find lots of trouble when they get caught and, I suspect, they wonder what the H they are doing in front of a toilet on a Saturday night. Maybe they only consider this on Sunday morning.

It’s years later that I’m worrying about; I don’t think I want to be afraid of the same things I’m afraid of now- groups with loud boys who are drinking, girls who wear incredibly tight clothing and smoke cigarettes, parties, driving, the taste of any sort of alcohol that isn’t drowned by soda.
Honestly, I want to know what normal is for other people. I’m just not ready for it today.

Okay, so I am the “bad kids” target. I can accept it. But, won’t they find it supremely unexpected when they learn that my cupcakes are made with beer? This may elevate me in their eyes or, at the very least, give them something else to talk about besides their perception that I am a goody-goody.

Jillian tells me that one day I will do something at a party that I regret. I can’t imagine it, but not many people go through life without regret. It might happen. You can’t get drunk on beer cupcakes, though, so it probably won’t be as a result of this Friday Night Cake.

Chocolate Beer Cupcakes
Ingredients

* 3/4 cup soy milk or regular milk
* 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
* 1 cup plus 2 Tablespoons flour
* 1/3 cup cocoa powder
* 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 1/4 cup beer. (It MUST be dark beer, stout, like Guiness! I used a Chocolate Stout. (sorry Guiness)
* 3/4 cup granulated sugar
* 1/3 cup canola oil
* 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

The Glaze: 1 cup confectioners sugar mixed with 2 Tablespoons Stout.

Directions:

1. In a small bowl sift or stir with a whisk: flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, salt.
2. In a large bowl whisk together the soy milk and vinegar.
3. Add Stout, sugar, oil and vanilla to the milk mixture.
4. Add dry ingredients in two big pours, mixing well after each.
5. Fill cupcake liners 3/4 full
6. Bake 20 minutes.
7. Cool.
8. Top with the glaze and sprinkles if you like. I always like sprinkles!